David Sedaris’ ‘Let It Snow’ →

David Sedaris, The New Yorker:

Winters were frustratingly mild in North Carolina, but the year I was in the fifth grade we got lucky. Snow fell, and, for the first time in years, it accumulated. School was cancelled, and two days later we got lucky again. There were eight inches on the ground, and, rather than melting, it froze. On the fifth day of our vacation, my mother had a little breakdown. Our presence had disrupted the secret life she led while we were at school, and when she could no longer take it she threw us out. It wasn’t a gentle request but something closer to an eviction. “Get the hell out of my house,” she said.

We reminded her that it was our house, too, and she opened the front door and shoved us into the carport. “And stay out!” she shouted.

“Olikoye” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie →

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie:

“I will name him Olikoye.”

“Oh.” She paused. “I didn’t know your husband was Yoruba.”

“He’s not. We’re both Bini.”

“But Olikoye is a Yoruba name.”

“Yes it is.”

“Why?” she asked. My contractions were slow. I told Sister Chioma to sit down and I would tell her the story.

Imagine the gall, the self-centeredness, it takes to turn down a vaccination. Even worse, to attempt to talk others out of them. There’s an entire world that would never even dream of it. Adichie captures that sentiment perfectly in this short, lovely piece of fiction. Her novel Americanah should be at the top of your To-Read list.

From Amateur to Ruthless Jihadi in France →

Rukmini Callimachi and Jim Yardley, The New York Times:

In the year after the United States’ invasion of Iraq, a 22-year-old pizza delivery man here couldn’t take it anymore. Sickened by images of American soldiers humiliating Muslims at the Abu Ghraib prison, he made plans to go fight United States forces. He studied a virtual AK-47 on a website. Then he took lessons from a man, using a hand-drawn picture of a gun.

It was an almost laughable attempt at jihad, and as the day of his departure approached, the delivery man, Chérif Kouachi, felt increasingly unsure of himself.

When the police arrested him hours before his 6:45 a.m. Alitalia flight on Jan. 25, 2005, he was relieved. “Several times, I felt like pulling out. I didn’t want to die there,” he later told investigators. “I told myself that if I chickened out, they would call me a coward, so I decided to go anyway, despite the reservations I had.”

A decade later, Chérif Kouachi, flanked by his older brother Saïd, 34, no longer had any reservations, as the two jihadists in black, sheathed in body armor, gave a global audience a ruthless demonstration in terrorism.

This is what real journalism reads like.

My Life Under Armed Guard →

Roberto Saviano, The Guardian:

For the last eight years, I have travelled everywhere with seven trained bodyguards in two bullet-proof cars. I live in police barracks or anonymous hotel rooms, and rarely spend more than a few nights in the same place. It’s been more than eight years since I took a train, or rode a Vespa, took a stroll or went out for a beer. Everything is scheduled to the minute; nothing is left to chance. Doing anything spontaneous, just because I feel like it, would be ridiculously complicated.

After eight years under armed guard, threats against my life barely make the news. My name is so often associated with the terms death and murder that they hardly register. After all these years under state protection, I almost feel guilty for still being alive.

An important, fascinating essay. I imagine that this will be a movie in a couple, three years.

/via NextDraft

Letter From an Army Ranger →

Rory Fanning, Mother Jones:

Dear Aspiring Ranger,

You've probably just graduated from high school and you've undoubtedly already signed an Option 40 contract guaranteeing you a shot at the Ranger indoctrination program (R.I.P.).  If you make it through R.I.P. you'll surely be sent off to fight in the Global War on Terror. You'll be part of what I often heard called "the tip of the spear."

The war you're heading into has been going on for a remarkably long time. Imagine this: you were five years old when I was first deployed to Afghanistan in 2002. Now I'm graying a bit, losing a little up top, and I have a family.  Believe me, it goes faster than you expect.

Once you get to a certain age, you can't help thinking about the decisions you made (or that, in a sense, were made for you) when you were younger. I do that and someday you will, too. Reflecting on my own years in the 75th Ranger regiment, at a moment when the war you'll find yourself immersed in was just beginning, I've tried to jot down a few of the things they don't tell you at the recruiting office or in the pro-military Hollywood movies that may have influenced your decision to join. Maybe my experience will give you a perspective you haven't considered.

The more you know.

‘Out of the Blue’ by Sonny Red →

View fullsize

Is this not the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?

/via Fonts In Use

Tumblr of the Day: ‘Larry David Lynch’ →

View fullsize

Pure genius. 

Ultra-Orthodox Jewish Newspaper Edited Important World Leaders Out of An Iconic Picture of The Hebdo March Because They Are Women →

Myka Fox, The Loom:

Israeli paper Walla says of the retouching that "Haredi sector daily newspapers operate under the supervision of a 'spiritual committee.'" That committee's task is to censor based on religious beliefs, and when it comes to publishing pictures of women, "the rule is simple: do not advertise."

Draw your own conclusions.

The Best Piece of New York Jets-Related Journalism I’ve Ever Read →

Matt Taibbi, Grantland:

Afterward, instead of acknowledging the gift handed to him by those Football Gods, Ryan took a characteristic power steamer on Monday-morning decorum and refused to apologize for the Jets’ sort-of win over the powerhouse Colts.

‘‘For half the year, people played against our backup nose tackle,” he deadpanned, preposterously, referring to an early-season injury to star Kris Jenkins. “I don’t think anybody’s made note of that. I know this is Peyton Manning or whatever, but he did play three and a half quarters.”

(This disingenuous little speech wasn’t Ryan’s proudest moment, but it had one brilliant side benefit. It sent New York radio legend Mike Francesa, one of Jets Nation’s most loathed enemies, into a seizure-like rage fit from which he has never recovered. It’s impossible, listening now, not to laugh at how unbelievably mad this stuff made Francesa — real human fury! “Dat’s outrajuss!” screamed Francesa, in his trademark consonant-massacring Long Islandese. “You begged dem to take the-yah playaz out last week! You sed you wanded it for Chrismuss!”)

If, like me, you’re a Jets fan, this will be the bright spot of your off-season reading.

5 Things We Learned About the Final Season of ‘Mad Men’ Today →

Todd VanDerWerff, Vox:

Though many of the characters have gone on huge journeys, evolving from one thing to another, one of the big themes of Mad Men is that this change is largely superficial. Peggy Olson may have gone from a lowly secretary to one of the most important creative minds at the ad agency she works at, but she didn't "change." She simply revealed more of who she really was, thanks to career opportunities given to her by her former boss, Don.

The actress who plays Peggy, Elisabeth Moss, mused on how this theme is woven into the final seven episodes. "People do change, but in a lot of ways they don't," she said of lessons learned from closing out the story.

To clarify the incredibly misleading headline:

1. Nothing
2. Nothing
3. Nothing
4. Nothing
5. Something, but really just more Nothing.