Dispatches From the Baby’s Room: Luna’s First Song

St. Vincent meets William Burroughs?

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Dispatches From The Baby’s Room are paragraph-long(ish) tips on how to maybe make the act of raising a child easier. Or maybe just slightly less insane. Or, in twenty years from now, a guide on how to mess a kid up real good. DFTBR are easily digestible, hand-held, and best of all, free. They are the things Joe Stracci thinks about while putting all of the Mega Bloks back in the bag, making the sound the duck makes, and changing diapers in the dark.

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Dispatches From the Baby’s Room: The Right to be Picky When Bored

1.
We realized that we had three tomato plants growing in the pot that holds our fledgling lemon tree. The cause, we deduced, was our compost, which we’d used when we planted the tree. The tomato plants had finally grown much taller than the tree and we had to get them out; we didn’t want anything to happen to the lemon tree.

2.
For the past few days, Luna has been challenging us during meals. She can’t be allowed to see what’s coming next (peanut butter sandwich after strawberries), because if she wants it (peanut butter sandwich) more than what she’s eating at the moment (strawberries), that’s it, she wants the sandwich, no matter how much she enjoys strawberries. And she can’t be given what she likes best first, otherwise she won’t want what comes after it. But, if you give her too much of the stuff she’s so-so on, she’s full by the time you get to what she likes most.

(How much of this is actually true, a conscious decision on her part, as opposed to deductions and inferences we’ve made to keep ourselves sane, is up for debate and will come into play in a minute.)

3.
I decided yesterday to go to Home Depot before lunch to get the dirt and pots we’d need to deal with the tomato plant/lemon tree situation. In the past, we’ve tried to only run errands after Luna has eaten. But with the finickiness of meals lately, I reasoned that maybe her eating exactly at noon wasn’t necessary; it’s a short drive, a quick errand, and a beautiful day. I brought a pouch with me just in case.

4.
There were no outbursts. Lunch commenced when we got back at 1pm and every morsel was eaten. Luna’s 3:00pm nap was, as it has been lately, an exercise in futility (a topic for a different Dispatch, once we actually glean some fucking wisdom from trudging through that specific hell) and by 4:30pm, having had some coffee, I decided that it was now time to transplant the tomatoes and deal with some other smaller gardening issues, normal 5:00pm dinner time be damned.

5.
To wrap this no longer “paragraph-long(isn) tip” up, I’ll tell you what you’ve probably already guessed—kept busy by dirt and bugs and plants and her water table, Luna hummed along outside with me for 90 minutes. We cleaned up and cleaned off and she didn’t eat dinner until 6pm. When she did, she ate everything—peas, applesauce, and meatloaf.

6.
I’m famous (in my house) for being a prickly, wishy-washy disaster when I’m bored and hungry. I lose the ability to make decisions or even come up with ideas. My common refrain: honestly, all this talking about what to eat and where to eat is making me never want to eat again. Combine low blood sugar with a flair for the dramatic and, well—luckily, I married a patient woman.

7.
All of this—the tomato plants and the errands and the meal times and the fussiness—finally triangulated in my mind. I realized that the common denominator for Luna’s pickiness lately—was boredom. When kept busy with the ebb and flow of daily activity, meal times stopped being another stopwatched, frustrating experience (strapped into a chair for an hour) and became a welcome surprise. Just like the rest of us (and in Luna’s case, exactly like her father), a 15 month-old has the right to be picky when bored.

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Dispatches From The Baby’s Room are paragraph-long(ish) tips on how to maybe make the act of raising a child easier. Or maybe just slightly less insane. Or, in twenty years from now, a guide on how to mess a kid up real good. DFTBR are easily digestible, hand-held, and best of all, free. They are the things Joe Stracci thinks about while putting all of the Mega Bloks back in the bag, making the sound the duck makes, and changing diapers in the dark.

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Dispatches From The Baby’s Room: Regressions, Mistakes, Bad Days, Pockets of Desperation

This morning, The Baby wouldn’t go down to sleep at her normal nap time of 10am. She was awake and fumbling around the crib at 10:15, at 10:38, at 10:47, and at 10:56. I tried to edit my novel, tried to ignore the squeals and chatter and frustrated heys! emitting from the baby monitor across the room. I went in and gave her back the pacifier she’d thrown to the floor. I went in and rubbed her back and explained in a soothing voice why napping in the morning was important and why she would feel much better after some rest. I went in, changed her diaper, and told her in a stern voice, finger wagging above her, that this kind of behavior was unacceptable, that she was failing to live up to the terms of the agreement we’d signed off on.

After what I knew would be my final attempt to get her to sleep, now that it was 11am on the dot, closer to when she normally wakes up from her nap, I texted my at-work wife. I complained about the unfairness of the situation, how it wouldn’t work like this, wasn’t supposed to work like this, that I needed at least, at the bare minimum, an hour a day to get some semblance of work done.

I also complained about the humidity level in the house.

In the course of my hitting the pressure release valve, The Baby, of course, fell asleep. I got some work done. My wife knew not to even respond to my complaints about The Baby.

She did, however, advise me to turn on the AC.

So what’s important here? What’s the advice? For me, it was the moment when I realized that I had forgotten my own advice:

Imagine if you were expected to establish one set of rules and expectations that governed every aspect of your day—and never stray?

Being home with a baby, raising a child, it isn’t a linear act. There are regressions, mistakes, bad days, pockets of desperation. The trick is learning to accept and/or believe that encountering them isn’t the failure. The trick is realizing that the real failure is if you are unable to realize that you’ve been tripped up, and even more so if you don’t let it go, move on, and look to turn it all around after lunch.

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Dispatches From The Baby’s Room are paragraph-long(ish) tips on how to maybe make the act of raising a child easier. Or maybe just slightly less insane. Or, in twenty years from now, a guide on how to mess a kid up real good. DFTBR are easily digestible, hand-held, and best of all, free. They are the things Joe Stracci thinks about while putting all of the Mega Bloks back in the bag, making the sound the duck makes, and changing diapers in the dark.

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Dispatches From The Baby’s Room: Patterns, Routines, Constants, or Change

We all live lives that revolve around establishing patterns—personal routines, social constants, a biological preference for an overall lack of change. But do you know who doesn’t really care in the slightest about patterns, routines, constants, or change? The Baby. Personally, I’m not even sure that The Baby thinks of it in those terms. A thought exercise: The Baby, after going down for a nap at the same time (10am) and sleeping for about the same length of time (90 minutes) for, say, three days in a row, on the fourth day, instead, sleeps for only 50 minutes. And that’s it. They wake up, with 40 minutes still to go, and no amount of soothing or pacifier reinserting can change the fact that they’re just—awake. No rationale, no because. It doesn’t have to do with the noise you think you might have made, or with the amount of food eaten at breakfast, or the fact that the blinds aren’t quite closed all the way. While you might have a spiritual connection with your morning cup of coffee, the bench you sit on during your lunch break, the cocktail you drink when you get home from work, The Baby is ready and willing to face life in a new way potentially every day, every hour, every minute. You’ll do yourself a huge favor by ending your quest to ascertain anything deeper.

Imagine if you were expected to establish one set of rules and expectations that governed every aspect of your day—and never stray?

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Dispatches From The Baby’s Room are paragraph-long tips on how to maybe make the act of raising a child easier. Or maybe just slightly less insane. Or, in twenty years from now, a guide on how to mess a kid up real good. DFTBR are easily digestible, hand-held, and best of all, free. They are the things Joe Stracci thinks about while putting all of the Mega Bloks back in the bag, making the sound the duck makes, and changing diapers in the dark.

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Dispatches From The Baby’s Room: Not An Emergency

Let me set you free—crying, specifically crying after waking up, is not an emergency. You should not respond to this kind of crying as if you just felt the initial tremors of an earthquake. Give The Baby the gift of learning how to calm themselves down, as well as the gift of learning how to be comfortable with their own thoughts, their own consciousness. If you really don’t believe me, buy (if you don’t already have) a baby monitor that has a video feed. Watch what happens when The Baby wakes up from a nap and you don’t rush in at the first intake of air to begin crying. (If you’ve been responding in this manner for a while, it may take a few tries before you see the response I’m talking about. And it should go without saying that expected feedings or dirty diapers are an exception.) And while you’re giving gifts, give yourself the gift of adding an hour back into your life—those fifteen minute chunks of time add up.

Imagine if your family assumed that you were awake and seeking attention the minute you opened your eyes in the morning?

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Dispatches From The Baby’s Room are paragraph-long tips on how to maybe make the act of raising a child easier. Or maybe just slightly less insane. Or, in twenty years from now, a guide on how to mess a kid up real good. DFTBR are easily digestible, hand-held, and best of all, free. They are the things Joe Stracci thinks about while putting all of the Mega Bloks back in the bag, making the sound the duck makes, and changing diapers in the dark.

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Dispatches From The Baby’s Room: The Meal is Over

Stop thinking that the meal is over once The Baby has eaten whatever arbitrary amount of food that  you decided is dinner and start thinking the meal is over when The Baby doesn’t want to eat anymore. Of course, this assumes that you’re already following the ideology that you don’t feed The Baby anything that you wouldn’t eat (this eliminates the “that’s yucky” conundrum. If you aren’t, and their food tastes like shit, well, you may have just solved the problem.) But, assuming the food tastes good and the stuff you eat hot is hot and the stuff you eat cold is cold, if The Baby doesn’t want to eat—then the meal is over. The Baby won’t starve—they’ll eat when they are hungry, just like you. And you’ll be spared the manufactured frustration with them Not Finishing Their Food.

Imagine if someone got mad at you for not finishing an amount of food that you didn’t decide on, food that you didn’t choose. Better yet, imagine if they forced you to eat it.

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Dispatches From The Baby’s Room are paragraph-long tips on how to maybe make the act of raising a child easier. Or maybe just slightly less insane. Or, in twenty years from now, a guide on how to mess a kid up real good. DFTBR are easily digestible, hand-held, and best of all, free. They are the things Joe Stracci thinks about while putting all of the Mega Bloks back in the bag, making the sound the duck makes, and changing diapers in the dark.

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